Robert Lowery

On Friday, September 25, Marilyn and I met with Dr. Mary Bretscher. We found her to be a very articulate, clear, and compassionate doctor. She asked us what we knew about what I was facing and she confirmed what we told her:

• I have carcinoid tumors that are, at present, incurable
• Only the symptoms can be treated
• The cancer spreads very slowly and will move to other organs or parts of the body beyond where it is located now, namely in the mesentery and in the liver
• There is the need to find suitable treatment to manage the current symptoms
• There is the need to monitor closely how I feel in the days ahead.

What especially impressed us is her desire to view my situation from a personal treatment perspective rather than group me in with others who show the same symptoms or make me a statistic. Accordingly, I will be meeting with her on a monthly basis. At those meetings she will be analyzing the effectiveness of the monthly injections (the first month was not all that effective after all, so the dosage will have to be increased) as well as making a decision on how to treat the severe spasms I experience on a fairly regular basis. The spasms are caused by the movement of the tumor that is located at the base of the mystentery and remains inoperable. She is very concerned about the level of pain, so options will have to be explored, all the way from trying different medications to possible surgery to create a by-pass of blood vessles near the mysentery so that blood can regularly flow to other parts of the body.

How can you shape your prayers? Pray first of all that we will continue to trust in the Lord and that he will be honored in all that is done. Pray for our children and ask God to bless them with strength and patience. Pray that the cancer will indeed be slow-growing. Pray that the injections will contain just the right amount of dosage so that some nasty symptoms can be dealt with. And pray that the spasms will be brought under control. Those are the most troubling at this point. (Even as I type this note to you, the spasms are present, so I am on medication daily to alleviate the pain and the pressure.) If you can think of anything we have missed with regard to bringing the matter before God, please share it with us.

We are blessed to have you on this journey. Your friendship, concern, and prayers are deeply appreciated.

Bob and Marilyn

One of my favorite writers is Nancy Gibbs. She writes occasional essays for Time magazine, and I could not help but “baptize” her most recent one appearing in the September 21, 2009 issue. It is entitled “Time Will Tell” and emphasizes that we can learn a lot from how the past saw the future—and imagining how the future will see us.

I could not help but be influenced by my own health issues as I read her insights. And I was also impacted because of a message I received via e-mail just minutes before I read the essay. A dear friend of mine was just informed by his doctor that he has cancer of the pancreas. Of course, there is no human cure for such cancer. This preacher’s prognosis and the prognosis given to me by my doctors reminded me that we are all terminal. Some have been given the gift of time to prepare for our leaving this world, but all of us should live with the realization that we are all going to make an exit someday. But in nodding to this truth, it does not mean that we become paralyzed.

Gibbs observes: “The past’s power comes from experience, the lessons it dares us to dismiss on the grounds that maybe things will be different this time. The future’s power is born of experiment, and the endless grudge match between fear and hope.” Acknowledging the swirling conversations and debates right now, she reminds us that “It’s tempting to just stand stock still and squeeze your eyes shut and wait for the moment to pass, or else hoard canned goods and assume the worst.”

I confess that I have been tempted to squeeze my eyes shut and pretend that bad things don’t happen to fairly good people. But as a follower of Jesus, how dare I do so?!

None of us know the precise details of the future for our personal lives, let alone the details of the lives of family and friends and for entire cultures. But knowing that ultimately the future belongs to God and to the faithful helps me respond to the present. Those responsible for the terrible events of 9/11/01 will not have the last word; God will. The sins of greed and avarice and violence will not have the last word; God will. Cancer, be it pancreas or in the form of slow-growing carcinoid tumors, will not have the last word; God will.

And so how does the future impact me? Let me reflect on this question in light of my immediate future, a future that has as an umbrella over all the statements found below the exhortation found in James 4:13-17, “Now listen you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.”

Tomorrow, if the Lord wills, I am going to travel to Springfield and preach three times at West Side Christian Church.

Tomorrow, if the Lord wills, I am going to travel to Chicago to attend a U2 concert at Solider Field.

And in the days after, if the Lord wills, I am going to meet with doctors and other care-givers to discuss what needs to be done so that I can continue living as a responsible disciple of Jesus, be that discipleship role taking shape in the form of a husband, father, grandfather, friend, colleague, preacher, teacher, or writer.

And in the days after, if the Lord wills, I plan on traveling to Warsaw, Indiana and Richmond, Virginia, and Mahomet, Illinois, and Higbee, Missouri, and Morton, Illinois to preach and teach and even return once again to the Chicago area to see my new granddaughter, Eden, and take in a Bob Dylan concert or two or three since he is going to be camping out there at the end of October, and then some trips to Pana to see Carissa and Jocelyn, and spend time with family and friends.

And in November, if the Lord wills, I will celebrate thanksgiving with my growing family and perform the wedding of a very dear friend of mine.

And in December, if the Lord wills, I will celebrate the birth of Jesus with my growing family.

And in January 2010, if the Lord wills, I will return to the classroom as well as resume my duties as a dean in the Seminary.

And in the winter of that year on into Spring and Summer, if the Lord wills, I hope to preach and teach in churches and on college campuses and return in July to Haus Edelweiss in Heiligenkreuz, Austria to teach students from Hungary, my eighteenth year of being able to teach such servant leaders.

And in December of 2010 and into the early days of January 2011, if the Lord wills, I plan on leading a tour to Greece and Turkey.

I live with this “endless grudge match between fear and hope.” But hope is winning. Hope is the confident expectation that the promises of God cannot be anything else but true.

If the Lord wills. . . May his will be done in my life and in your lives this day and in the days to come, no matter how many days are given—his will be done: nothing else, nothing less, and nothing more.

On the basis of blood tests and a liver biopsy, the doctors have concluded that I have several carcinoid tumors that are a very slow-growing form of cancer. Several are located on the liver and one in the mesentery. There may be others yet to be discovered. Although Marilyn and I would have preferred to hear that there was no cancer whatsoever, this is certainly the better of possible cancers to have. As we shared in an earlier note, there is no cure for carcinoid tumors, but the symptoms can usually be treated. Either this week or next week Marilyn and I will be meeting with an oncologist who specializes in this area of cancer to discuss treatments that are available so that I can regain strength.

We are grateful for your words of comfort and your prayers. Please continue praying for my family and for the doctors as treatment begins. We do not mind you sharing this matter with others. Of course, we are praying that God will be praised in the days ahead, and that our faith will remain strong. My wife, children and their spouses, and grandchildren have provided much strength to me these last few days. Please pray that God will strengthen them.

Since we now know more, I am looking forward to refocusing my efforts on writing while I am on sabbatical and I look forward to returning to the classroom in January, 2010, Lord willing.